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Some Friday Funnies

  1. I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off.

 

  1. My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.

 

  1. The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

 

  1. When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.

 

  1. The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.

 

  1. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!

 

  1. Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.

 

  1. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he  would’ve put them on my knees.