- I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop ticking me off.
- My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work.
- The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”
- When I was a child I thought nap time was punishment. Now it’s like a mini-vacation.
- The day the world runs out of wine is just too terrible to think about.
- Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound!
- Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.